This post contains gifted items
I want to state now that I’m not pro breast and I’m not pro bottle – I’m pro feeding. As long as your child is happy and healthy and getting fed it doesn’t matter how the milk gets into them.
“Bottle or breast?” Seems to be a regularly asked question at the moment, and the looks I get when I say I bottle fed my first are sometimes of pure disgust. This really upsets me. A little back story: with Molly I tried my hardest to breastfeed. I had amazing support in hospital after birth and I thought we had it down. When we arrived home however, she just stopped wanting to latch. I had a specialist lactation midwife come to our home and spend a good hour, if not longer with me. With us. Trying to find a way that Molly would latch comfortably for both her and myself. We tried different positions and nipple shields, hand expressing – she wanted none of it. After a while or a non stop hungry and screaming baby, her weight declined and we decided to start bottle feeding.
I tried pumping, but the pump I had was a tad pants and no matter how often I pumped, I never produced more than 1oz of milk at a time. My midwife said its probably because my milk never “came in” properly. She suggested formula and to try combie feeding until my milk came in. Well, it never did come in. It left me completely heartbroken. I felt like the worst mother in the world, and like I had already failed my daughter. I believe that this pressure I’d put upon myself, and the feeling of failing is what set off my postnatal depression and anxiety.
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My Breastfeeding Anxieties
Breastfeeding is something I personally want to achieve and experience with this baby. I’m collaborating with Medela as one of their Medela Mums. I will be documenting my breastfeeding journey, the highs and the lows. This time around, I feel it’s going to be slightly different. I feel a bit more confident in myself. But, saying that, I still have those anxious moments when I think about it.
The fact Liam won’t be as involved in the feeding, I am worried he wont get that “bond” like he experienced with Molly. I worry that he will feel left out in some way, or like he can’t help. I know deep down that’s silly, because there are so many other ways that he can and will be helping out. But this is my biggest worry. Another is that I won’t be able to give Molly my full attention when solo parenting, thus having to deal with a frustrated toddler at the same time. Especially if we are out and about and I am on my own with both of them. Or, what if this baby is just like Molly and won’t latch or feed for love nor money?
Breastfeeding in public has to be up there near the top of the list. Now, I have worked in many hospitality establishments over the years and always supported and encouraged woman to breastfeed. However, that doesn’t stop some nasty people from throwing their two cents in. I have asked people to leave if they have a problem with breastfeeding mothers – so why does the thought of breastfeeding in public worry me so much? Honestly, I haven’t a clue. I guess I might feel more vulnerable when feeding in public, especially if I’m on my own with the baby and a toddler.
My Breastfeeding Hopes
I hope that the next baby doesn’t have trouble latching. I am fully aware how much hard work its going to be to find our rhythm, but I feel if we have a decent latch we are already half way there compared to last time. In an ideal world, I would love to exclusively breastfeed for as long as possible, pumping along side it to build a freezer stash of milk. This is because, if we stop our breastfeeding journey, we will still have a supply of breast milk to use in a bottle instead of formula. I hope that I can overcome my fears and anxieties around breastfeeding.
Medela Swing Flex Pump
As I mentioned above, I tried to use a breast pump with Molly and it did not go well. That may have been due to my milk coming in, or it could have been because the pump was cheap and a little bit pants. However, Medela have kindly gifted me the Swing Flex pump and I am so excited to start trying it. I have read so many amazing reviews on it online, and it’s supposed to help produce more milk as it is meant to mimic the feeding rhythm of a baby – they first suck quickly to get the milk flowing, then slowly to feed.
It gives me a bit more confidence that the possibility of pumping my milk for when Liam wants to feed. It also gives us the option to combie feed if exclusive breastfeeding doesn’t work out / isn’t potentially achievable this time round. Or even if I want to pump to build up a freezer stash for the future or the rare occasion I go out for some child free time – having a stash will be reassuring. I will be providing updates of my experience with this pump as I use it over on my Instagram and I will be writing up a full review for the blog.
